A man walks into a pet store and is looking around when he spots a
chimpanzee in a cage marked, "$1,000". The man looks a little closer and
discovers that the chimpanzee is wearing a tie and a hat and is twirling a set
of handcuffs around his finger. Curious, the man summons the shopkeeper and
asks him what the deal is with this thousand-dollar monkey.
"Sir, You have discovered our Police Officer Monkeys. This one is our basic
Patrol version. It's got a CJTC Basic certification; can fire 'Expert' with a
Glock, Remington 870 or an AR15; knows the Penal Code and Traffic Code by heart
and is up-to-date on Cultural Diversity and Active Shooter Response. Very good
value for a thousand dollars!"
The man is suitably impressed and moves to the next cage, which is occupied
by a gorilla - also wearing a hat and tie, but is gnawing on a pen instead of
The price on this one is $5,000. Shopkeeper exclaims, "Ah, sir! You have
discovered the Sergeant model! This one has a CJTC Advanced certification, is
capable of training any other monkeys in basic firearms skills, mechanics of
arrest, physical training, investigation and small unit tactics! It can even
type! Very good value for five thousand, sir!"
Impressed, the man moves to the last cage. Inside, he finds an orangutan,
dressed in the same hat and tie as the others, but holding only a coffee cup.
"What does this one do that he's worth $12,000?" asks the man.
The shopkeeper clears his throat, "Ah, sir, well, um...we have never
actually seen him do anything except drink coffee and read the newspaper, but he
says he's a Lieutenant."